100% UNhirable??

(Remember the sound of those old tractor fed printers? The sound of each dot printing....think of that sound in the back ground when you are reading this...it will make sense at the end)

Ok, litteraly...yesterday....saturday...I was out in the heat pounding the pavement, searching for employment at the mall...P.s. why is it so hot right now in September? That being said this was a last ditch effort because I have pounded the keys for YEARS (since November 2008) because that is where the applications are...they aren't in the stores, and NO you can't talk to a manager! Who do you think you are!? Yeah that's right I have taken every single possible personality survey known to man. Let me tell you a little about myself:

I am responsible
I like my life (even though currently it could be a teensy bit better)
I enjoy hard work
I enjoy fast paced work
I enjoy GRUNT work
I have a cheerful attitude
I make the best of bad situations
I am sortof detail oriented, but a lot of times am a big picture person....(find someone
      besides my dad and husband who ARE and
      I will give you a nickle...just one total)
I would tell a supervisor if I saw my co-workers stealing
I would tell THEIR supervisor if my supervisor was stealing
My parents would be proud of me
I can't stand it when people are whiners but I accept it as a part of life
I have lots of friends
I have excelent written and verbal skills (see blog)
I am involved in church and my community and spend time doing good
I have and execute a HIGH level of integrity and a YOU BET attitude

That is just about the core of the quesions that are ask of me on these surveys. One for Border's Books made me do some kind of crazy number flashy math hand-eye coordination thing that I know I passed, so I don't know why they don't think that I am qualified to direct patrons to books on the shelves or heck, so here is a "novel" idea (pun intended) keep me away from customers! I bet I am qualified to stock the books....4 weeks later..nope.

How about "crazy-bath-linen-store" (as described by one friend) ....I am surely qualified to sell high quality plates, sheets, and other housewares....I had a mini interview! I felt so lucky...nope. I have to start off as a part time cashier because I (even though my specialty has been in selling high quality products for the home over low priced competitors and I was the top seller in the region...MORE THAN ONCE...) am not qualified to explain to people why sheets are differing thread counts...surely I am qualified for that...I mean it pays a whopping $7.75 an hour...my education should have put me there..all the way up to sheet seller..before the interview was over I knew it.....nope. NOTE: they called, they offered me the cashier position, $7.75...I gracefully turned them down.

My iphone beeps and bleeps and while I am walking around and I am getting emails telling me "we are looking at other candidates", "we are in recipt of your resume but this position has been filled", "thank you for applying with us, we are no longer looking for candidates", "thank you for applying, your qualifications do not match up with our needs for this position".....over and over and over....HUNDREDS of times a week.

I APPLY EVERY SINGLE DAY AT LEAST 20 times, EVERY DAY....for jobs ALL OVER THE US!!!

How about a clothing store, I know a wholesale retail overstock type store? I have stocked shelves at Garden Ridge and Kids R Us. I have sold housewares and worked in clothing for years...I took that SAME survey in paper form (yep the one that says I rock when you print out the results) am I qualified to stock? I might make $7.25 an hour there....can I talk to a manager? NOPE....give them 7-10 days....says the person who HAS a job to the person who is grasping at straws.

WHO ARE YOU JANE!?
So...I am a marketing assistant, a marketing WHIZ, sales LEADER but I don't want to work on commission, I can't and won't deal with the stress. I am constatly full of new edgy ideas, I have run HUGE meetings, and collaberated with people all over the world. I VOLUNTEERED at a leadership summit for 2 days so that I could be a better stronger leader. I read books like How the Mighty Fall and the Switch and the Core, and my favorite, by Peter Senge the Fifth Discipline.

So what, I CHOSE to stay at home and be a mom, a student, and an entreprenuer. I know how to run pivot tables and do data entry, why,  because I read a book and taught myself. I have my Bachelors in marketing and will have my Masters in Technology Management. I can and have edited books, made cold calls HOUSE TO HOUSE!

I have done what needed to be done to create an income for my family and now, when I have my education, when I am ready to take the world by storm and CREATE sales, CREATE phenomenal customer service, duplicate myself and train people to be awesome and learn from whomever I need to so I can create a higher level of awesome for myself AND the company I work for. I will even, SMILING and HAPPILY, go through training EVEN if I already know the material....humble myself to a posistion I can work my way up from and end up with an even GREATER story, and even with alllllllllll this....I am seemingly not able to complete the circle, make the circutry work and the light come on. I have an open schedule and the thing that trips up employers is that I don't want to work on Sunday morning because I volunteer at church............hum.

WHAT is happening in this world? I need employment I need someone who beleives in me. I even ask on LINKEDIN where I hold a professional social netowrk for a mentor....NOT EVEN THE SOUND OF CRICKETS....no takers. I promise to make it be the best employment choice ever made by whatever company will take me. I will make you proud.....nope.

Why can't anyone hear me? I know there are other people out there with worse storys, I know that other people have started up at the top and tumbled to the bottom, that sucks, I FEEL SO SORRY FOR THEM, I know that there are 6 or 8 job seekers to every open job, but....BUT....but.....I am at the bottom falling from there to where???

My sweet friends remind me daily that maybe GOD doesn't want me to have a job, maybe GOD is the one that has a greater plan, and I know that. But I can't sit here and quietly wait for life to pass me by and MAYBE some executive will find me singing praise and worship songs in my car one day and pick me up take me to his or her office and give me the greatest job ever!! I have to work at it, I have to try, I have to be out there, that is who GOD made me to be. I am not a quiter, I am not even a whiner (though this blog read in the wrong tone might sound like it) I am a hard worker, decent and good, with a family that supports me and will move all over the world to be a part of GOD's plan for our life.

I am 100% hirable, a million people would KILL to be me....*remember the sound of a printer some where in America, that is the sound of the printing of the latest results from my latest personality test, the last page prints.....* RESULTS: I ROCK!!!

*hawgtions@yahoo.com if you have a job.....I will send you a resume!*

UPDATE : BREAKING NEWS
*P.s. I did get offered a job today, part time, $8/hour, lead cashier....trying like heck to be as thankful as always...I mean it's not my plan...it's God's and I would say 99.99999999% (ok 100%...LOL) of the time, HE is exactly on time and EXACTLY right...* - I have also revcieved some phone calls and some emails from the aps I put in Saturday...but they were all VERY low paying (lower than $8/hour).

HEY! HEY! *grumble* WHATS THAT ON YOUR IPOD!?

No it's not a bird or a bug, or some kind of kiddie drawing, not even an ap...ok it's an ap and some music. I keep getting ask, what's on your ipod?Apparently you can learn a lot about a person when they tell you what's on their ipod.

I generally only listen to my ipod when I'm running or now biking. I thought of it today and decided it would be ok to let you in.

Ocean Lab Sirens of the Sea Remix - Lonely Girl
Francesca Battistelli - I'm Letting Go
Karsh Kale - One Step Beyond
Crystal Method - Vapor Trail
Tiesto & Kirsty Hawksaw - Just Be - Walking on Clouds
Paul Van Dyk - Reflections - Time of our Lives
Crystal Method - Keep Hope Alive
George Acosta - Fallin Backwards
Tiesto - Carpe Noctum
Tiesto - Adagio for Strings
George Acosta - The Apocalypse

I love this kind of music, my blood gets pumping and I can almost FEEL the fat burning off my body. The transformation is beginning to take place, I can see and feel the results. For the first time yesterday I actually SAW a picture of myself in a shirt that used to wear me and now I wear it! I LOVE it!

Today even with my shins screaming last night I decided not to run but to bike only. I will do Bricks once a week and run once and ride once. Have you ever attempted to stand on a stationary bike? Have you ever STOOD while riding? THAT IS TOUGH STUFF, not just balance but also in thigh muscle pain. I love how my shins don't hurt but my thighs finally are getting some work.

I am reading a book called The Core. It talks about the CORE of your being the reason that you are able to stand the reason you are able to move or walk. I really think that my larger muscle groups need more of a work out because they are holding me back from getting to the next level.

Anyway, that is my play list and the book I am reading along with How the Mighty Fall that is another amazing book EVERYONE should read.
 JR

School Schmool...

SCHOOL IS STARTING IN T-minus 3 days (I won't count Thursday because that is the day it starts and if you look at the time stamp it is already Monday)

ALL 5 of my children will be IN SCHOOL!! I am so happy for them all! Every year one or more of them has felt left out, left behind, or just left...yeah I came back and got them...(just kidding), but this year, no more....they are all (including myself) in school!

EVERYONE ASKS ME...."are you sad?"

Am I weird when I say NO!?

No I am not a bad parent I am a happy parent. I waited for 5.5 years (because half my pregnancy with #5 was pretty much thinking this day would NEVER arrive...) for this day.

Example: I waited 15 years for my son to march in the band...and he is, and I am there like a good band mom not crying my eyes out, or watching him interact with other students like one of these insane mominista hover parents, no. I am there LIVING OUT A DREAM, I am seeing the moment that he steps foot on to the field with his shiny Dinkles (shoes people) and his heavy wool uniform cap and cape and all as a moment I thought of when I stepped on to a field for the first time, instrument in hand...it's amazing! I didn't CRY when I saw him march, I pushed him further, press on, do more, instruct others, lead by example I said to him. I am marking time with him, with me, with God, showing my son that YES you CAN do it, and eventhough my story started off kinda crummy, look, look, look, LOOK where God put us today!?!

I am PROUD to be the mother of 5 school aged children. In a few years my oldest will go to college and I will be proud then. I know we are not supposed to be prideful, but I think God gave us emotion so that we can enjoy the moments where our child hits a moment of success.

Life is a lot like Chutes and Ladders that game from a million years ago, when you get up that ladder and you are almost to the top, you are fully aware there are some steep chutes, but by golly you KNOW that there are only a few ladders left, always look up!!

So to you out there who think I will be CRYING on Thursday morning come 8:30am...THINK AGAIN, I am going to be happy, happy that all my children are enjoying school, friends, and finding their path to where God wants them in their lives. Because I know I am RIGHT where God wants me....at home, breathing in silence, enjoying the moments that have passed, and looking forward to each new one we GET to make with our kids, our family, our walk with God.

** P.s. I am still praying that God will see me with a job soon, but until then I am volunteering and giving my time that I have been gifted with back to the community **

JR

COUCH to BRICK?

Ok so most of my readers know (or should know and if'n you don't know by now, NOW you know) that I have been running since June and am well into 9 weeks of training.

I suck. I have been trying and trying to get past the shin splints (YES I ice daily and YES I stretch and YES I still need new shoes! BUT any other suggestions are welcome) and get past the breathing issues (I was a half to pack a day smoker 11 weeks ago and I think this is definately a lung capacity/health issue and any suggestions are welcome).

At the end of the day it is endurance that is making my mind upset. I think, it would have been easier to sit and suck on my Pall Mall's all day and eat whatever I wanted...It would have been easier to just forget this whole thing, call myself a quitter and move on....I could...but I am just stingy so I keep running and keep feeling like a failure.

I am down (for those of you wondering if my body has changed since I still look like I belong at fat camp) to 207 from 219 in 9 weeks, I am also down about 10" overall as well. (The wii fit says I am down to 200 but I think it is lying, so I am going with 207 from my actual scale).

Yes I have changed my eatting. I do eat about 6 nature valley bars a day (the plain ones or peanut butter or the decadent hard to find cinnamon...yum) but I am also eating less carbs but the right carbs too, and drinking more water than I thought I could possibly consume.

SO, over the period of time a lot has happened to make me healthier, but I want to run. I want to run, I WANT TO RUN! I want to GO to that 5K in December and RUN the WHOLE THING...but right now that seems like a stupid thought.

The point of the story is, Friday morning I decided to garagesale with Ma (thats short for Grandma and Mom, we are efficent around her we use one name for all like Buy one Get one Free), and found at the FIRST garage sale a bike, cool red, 12 speed, mountain bike! I was STOKED, got a good deal on it (20$) and started riding today after watching EXTENSIVE YouTube videos on how to use the gears and why I would want to use them etc.

I rode, I was SO proud, I rode and rode and just had a blast (until my tukas started to ache from the hard seat) and then I went home, texted my triathelete brother who ROCKS (check out his blog, Michael Head) I am a follower of it) and is also a triathelete (just wanted you to know twice) tells me to BIKE then RUN then BIKE.

THIS is the brick. Sounds hard, it is. BUT I did it. I went BACK out there after feeding my kiddos and I did it. I BIKED, I RAN, I BIKED and I went further than I thought I could or would. I was having a great time getting to know my bike and the gears etc. (I told another blogger that I think I ran so well because I was afraid my bike would get stolen...LOL) I could FEEL my heart pumping my blood, I could FEEL my lungs filling up with air...it was great.

So I say to you, you person who was me 9 weeks ago. You have 2 choices...sit there and sacrifice your body, your life, your children's legacy...OR come with me on this mind bending adventure and instead sacrifice your time, your shins, and when we are 60 we can be healthy enough to continue working until we are 80 then retire and spend 25 years (yes I said it) 25 years traveling the world and enjoing our great great great grand children!!

Just a thought!!!

Get off your couch and do a brick! (or just start walking, that is what I did every day about a mile just to say I told you so to the enemy and give GOD the glory for helping me SEE the LIGHT!) This is an amazing feeling, like knowing that you know that YOU are covered that YOU are loved that YOU are beating the darkness out of your life....totally a lot of work but good...

JR

WEEK 1 - PROJECT RUNWAY: WHAT THE HECK!?

Did the eyes of the beholder CHANGE or have I lost all sense in my head!? I feel like on Back to the Future 2 where Jennifer sees her older self and screams before passing out....I'M OLD!!! (say it ain't so!) Also for the record...THANK YOU for not showing us the insipid models...ugh. I love me some Austin and Santino!

The Cast: (are you KIDDING!? was Tim on drugs when these guys got picked or what!?)

Bowler-hat-guy from Meet the Robinsons? What a joke! First off unprofessional wanting to feel up the model because she like all other women HAS BOOBS!? Virgin or still in the closet...I leave it up to you. THIRDLY...MY DOCTOR HAS NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER felt me up because I have boobs....WHY...because he is P-R-O-FESSIONAL!!! Secondly....Um, yes I get to do 1, 2, and 3rd n any order I please, my blog....STAPLES and you get to pass!? JOKE of the day!

MATTED HAIR GIRL? LOVE HER! WHAT THE HECK!? So the boobs were in the wrong place and I am sorry Snarky (Aka NINA) women who have bodies like that model should enjoy side clevage...I would...if I was that kinda girl....but I'm not. She should NOT have gone, she had REAL potential unlike Bowler Hat Guy who made a denim-ish Snuggie with staples!!

casaNOva....WHAT THE HECK! TASTE LEVEL!? The man can FEIGN not being able to speak ENGLISH and pass....TOTAL FAIL.

Mustache Tall girl..... WHY did she have a mustache and WHY did she get through? We still would have loved ya...that is if you could sew, and I am confused on if you can or not...but we will see....why also is she the only girl/person of color? WHY??? How long will she last and can we please have Anthony back to go with?????

BLEACH BLONDE TOOTHY MULLET GIRL....WHAT!? OMG. NO. I can't even go on because her hair confused me I thought I was watching a flash back on Hannah Montana....

POISION IVY! OMG SHUT UP...if MICHAEL KHORS says YOU SUCK...you do. IF SNARKY says YOU SUCK...YOU DO, and if you are not 100 and you make TOILE PANTS..out of TOILE PANTS....YOU SUCK...so SHUT UP!

ROTTEN PEACH!! OLD is OLD and in this case, being OLD is not going to win you the show however she has a neat styling, we will see...tailored has gotten far before....SHE BROUGHT TOILE PANTS!?!
I am retracting my OLD statement, I just didn't like her attitude and love my readers for calling me to the carpet on this one...she just feels like and loos like she is older than she is and 50 is NOT old....I just didn't care for her style....*sorry - forgive me!*

KNITTER GUY....Peach is clearly spoiled and rotten, I loved the color and the item and she should NOT have gotten through with it....but your item rocked! GOOD ON YA!

CHRIS.................I'm swooning, Heidi is right he's cute, he's talented, and I call him as final 3.

STUDENT of "Fashion" So you are 21, own it, Christian Siriano was young too, he WON it, he KNEW and KNOWS what he is doing and totally was awesome, that undone "deconstructed" tux was cheap, trashy, and childish....She should have made a tailored skirt and a top out of the lining using the lapels as part of a belt....duh!

MonDUH-O...No. No. No. I can't even say it again. ____.

Strange largeheaded Asian Man...I think: ok, well...I just...ok, we will see where you are in a few weeks....*tapping foot*

Purple shirt Underandover BUMP hair girl who looks like Poision Ivy's aunt...ok. I like...continue.

BLONDEY/bomberjacket ugly dress guy....No thank you. heming is kind of important and you can not and did not do anything cool. I am NOT liking the snoozefest and quit shaking on national television, that is so rediculous...omg, you look like you have never had any one critique your clothes before...oh you haven't.

ADORABLE sweet mini Chris March... I LOVED your work I think you are FANTABULOUS and when you didn't win I was nearly crushed...but you will you will...and I say final 3!

The quiet guy with the purple tie...ok. We shall see.

WINNER: Rural Americana half mullet/bowl cut bad dye job hair....WHY!? Because you made a black dress that was NOT cut well and did NOT flatter her model (Michael Khors are you listening or did you not have your contacts in?) All she did was add pieces of floof to her model's shoulders...my 8 year old could have done that...AND the hem was a mess AND it was terrible, and it was BOR-ING SNOOZAPALOOZA....yikes!

Thank you to http://www.kansascity.com/2010/07/29/2114347/host-heidi-klum-discusses-now.html for the pic, I appreciate it!!! (BTW great interview with Heidi on that link too! CHECK IT!)

JR

PROJECT RUNWAY PARENTING

Ok ok, so I love me some Tim Gunn and Heidi too. I even like the snarky Nina Garcia and the opinionated but fabulously underdressed Michael Khors...

However I also love a clean house! I came up with this idea a while ago I just never employed it until now. What a REVELATION I have had in my home! REALITY TV ROCKS! (well sometimes)

So here is the deal, the mention of chores in my house, where hearding kittens might be easier, is a pretty terrifying ordeal. For me the mom, I am met with the anxiety of knowing that the hem-hawing will begin with saddness, nashing of teeth, and anger. So I have to decide, do it myself or not. Today, given the amazing amount of work the house needed I decided to buckle down and do it.....

WAKE UP!!! (insert grumbling and grunting, and moaning) then we inserted Fruity Pebbles (bad-mom-cereal) into the children to get their energy up...and started the chore distribution list....(insert more upsetness and whining here)

OK so here is what I did, I went to Microsoft Word and downloaded the document for chores, took the list and used it to distribute the chores and get a good idea of the entire house picture I was looking at so I didn't have to go back later and do the dreaded ad-on...kids hate that....and so do I.

I made my list first (things I don't want the kids to do because I am picky about it or faster at it or NEED it done right - laundry, cleaning the entire fridge, toilets, sweeping the celings etc...I know weird, but I need to....)

THEN I took the kids and divided them up into the BIG kids and the NOTsobig kids....
Two sheets of paper two diffrent colors. I have 5 kids so I did 12 little kid chores (4 each), and 8 (4 each)big kid chores.

Chores look like:
Little Kids: Baseboard wiper, door cleaner, cabinet wiper-downer, carpet vacuumer, light switch wiper, counter wiper, closet arranger, backyard picker-upper, etc etc.....

Big Kids: Mow, weed-eat, mirror cleaner & bathtub cleaner, sweeper (we have all stone tile), fan cleaner, picture wiper-downer, duster, etc etc....

I took EACH chore, put them on a piece of paper that I had cut from earlier (I used red for big kids, and blue for the other kids) then had them draw them out one at a time and created a grid on antoher piece of paper with everyone's name on it and put the chores they chose under their name and put it on the fridge.

WE did this in a fun Project Runway way, we did it using Heidi's voice/accent (attempted anyway), we made them stand in line and choose, and we had them get excited about their chore(s). They went one at a time starting with youngest first (easier to coerce into happiness about wiping baseboards), and each pulled one chore (like Heidi's velvet bag for choosing models) at a time first person A, then B, then C, then A then B etc etc...get it?

ANYWAY, I am going to MAKE a chore "velvet bag" and go to Hobby Lobby/Michaels/Garden Ridge type store and get the wooden painted piece (like .49-.99 each) and put with a sharpie EACH chore on it and create a FUN and memorable way to do chores. Mix it up, once a week, and then just do minor cleaning the rest of the week to maintain!!

A funny thing happened....all our chores got done, and when one person was done with their chores, then that person would help another person who was behind and we got it done....

MY LIST was longer....but I am still getting it done....as soon as I turn my frown upside down! I mean who wouldn't want to be Heidi for a day!!?

JR

Who are you giving your kids to?

So I wondered, who are you giving your kids to? Who is the person or persons who will be seeing your child through the last 2/3 of  their lives?

I swear that these MOMINISTAS don't have a CLUE what they are doing, I actually feel bad for them. Sitting in church, in the movies, in traffic, at school. UGH I want to just SCREAM at them, you have NO idea what you are DOING! (not that I do all the time, but in these extreme cases of moministaisms, yes, yes I think I see the picture).

We as parents only have so many days to get our children out of season 1 and into season 2 as successful, loyal, wonderful people who bear fruit. We as parents do not get to be a part of their circle of influence very long. I mean think about where are YOUR parents now that YOU are a know-it-all mominsta (or if you are reading this an ANTI-mominista)???

My parents are probably in the same place YOUR parents are and in the same place THEIR parents are....at a respectful distance. You smartly left and cleaved to something else in life, someone else, some place else. MAYBE not even what 'they' wanted you to, but you did, you survived and YOU are ok...I hope. My parents THINK they have a wider circle of influence on me than they do for many reasons, not to hurt their feelings but because I like it that way, I love to keep the peace, and in all honesty they do many times impart great wisdom that I would otherwise have to learn the hard way if they had not told me the nitty gritty truth or guided me softly to where I need to be (dad). LOL. HOWEVER, they are NOT influencing my daily lives and interactions with tv time, toilet time, or dinner time.

These mom's these MOMINISTAS they wrangle their husbands they launch their children into failure by setting them up to never get hurt, experience loss, or trip on their own shoe laces. They have attempted to bullet proof a world where everyone but their child is packing heat.

Who are you giving your child to? Who will wake up next to your child every day for 10 years, 20 years, 40 years? Who will your child get  day to day urgent advice from? Who will they trust with their deepest secrets? NOT YOU.

Moministas of the world who are attempting to create spineless husbands to do their bidding to create a world where no one is packing heat are DEAD wrong, backward, and need a hobby. The way to move forward is to allow your child to fall back. Allow your child to deal with loss, to deal with pain, to deal with life's unfairness so they don't end up in counseling for the person they get day to day advice and trust with their secrets isn't a therapist who also feels entitled, lost, and alone but can't say it to anyone for fear of looking like a fool in his or her own profession.

I am giving my child to a world that is lost, to a world that needs them, to a world that is ripe with loss, terror, and horror. I am giving my child to a world they expected and can conquer that they can do God's work in and serve, see, and feel the pain without fear of apathy, unrest, or disgrace. I give my child to something bigger, something hotter, something more amazing than a certifiable mominista who is going to wake up one day and wonder why her sweet cooing of "wear your socks on the bouncy house so your feet won't get germs on them" to a sweaty five year old didn't work.....

WAKE UP....*give your kids away, that is what you are CALLED to do....if you do not give them away they will be stolen from you or leave you angry and may never come back, both risks I am NOT willing to take...are you?

*For those of you who did NOT read my entire blog, do NOT actually GIVE your kids away, please keep them until they are old enough to do for themselves, then let them go and pay their OWN electric bill since they ran yours up for 18+ years...

HUGE....are you kidding?

So I am sitting here, packing up our things, getting ready to go home, feeling AMAZING from my run this morning. I loved wearing my St. Jude running shirt and that it fits makes it even better AND my cute new running shorts (Red is apparently my new color) I love that I burned over 700 calories this morning and in the back ground I guess I missed when Head Line News turned into "Show Biz" Tonight.

I just want to start with, I hate that show. I hate the fake fake fakeness of it, I don't care about celebrities, I don't care if Mel Gibson told his girlfirend she is a whatever he "said". I can barely stand Robin Meade in the morning. What a joke.

Anyway, the point of this blog is the way we as humans and especially us entitled Americans who don't know what REAL is anymore look at this woman Nikki Blonki from Hairspray (the movie) shows herself to be fat (cause she is) and is in this show that portrays overweight teens at a "fat camp" and how they overcome their size, their habits, and gain control of their lives.

This show has a bus that travels around and overweight teens who feel hopeless write on the bus and THANK Nikki for her REALism. I was all excited about it and I felt like WOW the world is getting better and being a big girl for a lot of my life (not as big as Nikki or some of the other "large" actors but still a big girl in my own right) I can and will be better accepted.
I turn around and some woman, some thin, big teethed (I went there, I said TEETHED), designer glasses, well tanned woman who looks like she can't even SAY Krispe Kreme says this show is a TRAVESTY!? That we should get as much enjoyment out of watching this show as if we were watching anorexics?!

WHAT THE HECK IS SHE THINKING!???

This woman, where did they find her? Oh I will tell you where, a place where idiots send money to help NO ONE...the ANTI-OBESITY-ADVOCATES....WHO FORMED this rediculous title? More than likely some thin housewife eating a 30$ salad with her rich friends who decided to "help" the world while her nanny raises her children?

Seriously, where else can we in or "recession" put our money? Do you have too much money? I canhelp you spend it on things that matter, fat girls have to wear swim suits and honestly she doesn't look that bad! (thank you to Wikipedia for the above pic).

So I am going to post my clearly DISGUSTING pictures of two HUGE people running for their son, for the kids of St. Jude AT St. Jude wearing St. Jude shirts and supporting with whatever little we have (we can't afford a 30$ salad, and even if we could, we have more sense than to purchase it....(we'd share if forced to purchase one).

I was just thinking....maybe I should form the society for teeth that are FAKE white and FAKE tans and FAKE people...I know I will call it the FFF....we will chant in the streets wearing nothing but bathing suits and those cool shoes that look like bare feet with socks...just to be consistent....

WHERE is the LINE please!?

Ok, so there are lines for everything! Lines for bathrooms, lines for parting your hair, lines of streaks on your glass, even lines of wrinkles on your face (if you choose to admit that or not....), but there is a line that I am having trouble with....

Where is the line when your kid is freaked out? Where is the line when you don't know what the line even should LOOK like? As most of you know my son had cancer a few years ago and is cancer free, we tend to think of it with the same attention as a cold. *achoo!* Once he had a cold and once he had cancer.

However we still have to go to St. Jude Children's Research Hospital for check ups every 6 months and MRI's and blah blah blah. We call it the show. This is where my son can pretty much be a primadonna and get away with it from the time we get IN the car to drive RIGHT UP UNTIL we get back in the car to come home...HOWEVER it has been the GODZILLA show right now! This child has been terrible, rude, unmannered and out of control!

We got some interesting blood work back today and I had a hard time telling him no. I had a hard time being "mean" or "disciplining" him. I just sat there, let it happen, attempted to wrangle him right up until PROFANITY came out of his mouth then he got the idea that THIS was a BAD idea.

However I felt bad. GUILT and SHAME "all down my shirt front" in the words of Mrs. Milliken from 7th grade Science....

So where is the line? We treat him like any of his other siblings all the other days of the year, he is on the same level playing field and has expectations of kindness, love, and discipline. I agree though, my first instinct is: YES we maybe shouldn't have called it the show, but it is HIS show, HIS time, HIS scaryness, HIS fear, HIS everything when we are here. BUT I guess if he takes a mile when we give an inch, all he gets is a millimeter next time....

Honestly, where is the line!? Afterall, though we treat it like it was a cold, it was in fact, cancer.

He had RETINOBLASTOMA in 2007 and is cancer free to date!
This is a picture of him trying on a "gag" eye it looks like a cat. There are other eyes too like a TN one and eagles and deer, really neat stuff.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA.....

YOU HAVE NO IDEA....how awesome I feel now that I am running 3-4 times a week!
YOU HAVE NO IDEA....how great I am starting to look
YOU HAVE NO IDEA....how awesome it feels to be sitting here in a pair of shorts that just a few weeks ago I couldn't even WEAR!!
YOU HAVE NO IDEA....how bad I feel that some people are JEALOUS of me for doing it, just going after what God wants me to do!
YOU HAVE NO IDEA....how amazing it will be to run the 5K for the Grizzly house in Memphis at St. Jude!
YOU HAVE NO IDEA....how great it feels to eat good, feel good, and SEE results!
IF YOU HAVE ANY IDEA....you should comment, post it here, and let me kno what your secrets to succes have been!!

Also, you have NO IDEA how radicallly proud I am of my brother Michael who just recently proposed to his fiance' and you can read the tear jerking account and pictures on his blog!!! I am subscribed to it, what a precious precious story, when she took her "true love waits" ring off and put on his engagement ring, I was nearly sobbing, what a precious story! MICHAEL'S BLOG God is good!

JR

ME! HELP ME! Im DROWNING in FOOD!

Yesterday was a baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaddddddddddd day for my consumption of the worlds food stuffs. Yeah I said it, food stuffs, the 1952 word that you will occasionally hear outside a board room or governmental meeting to make you feel small and un-edumacated.

I started the day TICKED OFF, last week of school....NO ONE got on the bus.....AGAIN. So off I went to 3 diffrent schools and paid bills along the way just to be as efficient as possible. Then I grabbed a DELUXE big breakfast.....by myself, and ATE it by my self. THEN I got a hair cut because my hair looks like total looserville....so I take my mom to the doctor, I run every imaginable errand EXCEPT grocery shopping, I consume a 46oz coke (well it was 44 but then I drank some waiting in the line for a straw and lid so I had to fill-er' up...got a few extra ounces I bet) then a set of cinnamon preoverafterbeforeprocessed slick tasting icing cinnamon buns on a flappy corrugated paper backing...food should not have backings....THEN I waited a few hours to eat again because I was hot and I was tired (the AC on my vehicle has gone out and my windows don't roll down in the front so it is REALLY freakin hot!!

So the husband and I decide to scrub the kids, do the laundry, the dishes, and have the kids clean up the house, and put them to bed, and go out for dinner (snark not....yes, we have a kid old enough to baby sit....he's for hire too!) So we go to Applebees, at 10pm....I consume (no really) 2 sweet teas, 1 half (or more) of a spinach cheese dip with chips and salt, an ENTIRE bacon cheese burger and all but 2 onion rings...no desert. Please I have restraint.

Then we went to Walmart (burn those calories right....11:20pm...ha) I picked up blue colored oreos, snapple (come on it's the best stuff on earth), and assorted meats for the weeks' dinner fixens. By midnight we spent 68$ on everything you can imagine we needed from cereal to milk, ginger for mom, treats for the dog, and the healthiest thing in our cart was skinless boneless chicken breast and bannanas. I ate a bananna this morning. . . HALF, my son ate the other half.

So I feel like I ate a brick. I don't even LIKE the way I feel I don't LIKE the way I look, my new hair cut makes me look fatter (she cut it too short) and like a boy even when styled, so I feel really blah today and super unsexy and super unhappy and I want to change. I do. I want to eat better, I want to shop better, I want to be thinner...no...I want to be healthier. I don't want Jillian Michaels in my face, I don't want to act like Kiersty (sp) Alley, I don't want to be ultra thin like on the Jenny Craig commercials, I just want to feel NORMAL in my OWN SKIN....

Alas I feel alone, like if I do I am the only one here doing it and I don't want to be alone. I want to struggle together...so today I won't eat at all...probably...except a sandwich....my fav, low fat peanut butter with banannas, honey, and raisins on whole wheat bread....no idea if it is any good for you but there are two fruits and whole wheat in it so, it's better than marshmallow fruit loops....isn't it? Isn't it!?

JR

My inner black woman....no really! She's in there!

So....yes I admit it, I have an inner black woman.

I know, I am white...dang it. I can't even TAN I am so white!!

We joke that we have an African American child...my black pug...he is so cute, I always say he looks like his daddy! (see below pics)

see don't they look alike?

Ok so they don't that much, but you know, genetics are weird! I say this because while there are 2 black men that are a part of my family by marraige and adoption, they are Nigerian and not quite the woman that lives inside me. This is a woman that my children joke about, they hate it when she comes out, she usually starts off with "CHILD....are you sayin what you think I think you are sayin?" or "NO you did NOT just SASS YOUR MOTHA!" then it's over! She's out, sometimes for the WHOLE day. Snappin and sassin right back!

My son hates it! He regularly rolls his eyes at me just to tell me how rediculous it is and how much he hates her. BUT, she gets the job done! I mean DONE! These kids start to MOVE when she is around, so I named her, yes, I named her, one of my dearest oldest friends will laugh when I say her name is TAWANDA! yes the FRIED GREEN TOMATOS TAWANDA!

Tawanda comes out and gets people movin! Gets the dishes DONE, gets the laundry hung up, the floors mopped and all manner of chores and life lessons, or as Kevin Leahman says it "teachable moment" stated.

Ain't NO WAY you ignore an angry black woman, just ask Tyler Perry....he got it right!

So you all just come on ova and get some pie, because I got more tales to tell than you are tall...

I love Tawanda, and I encourage you to find your inner black lady, bet she is FULL of wisdom and sass, everyone needs both of those...now I got to go tan because us white ladys are just buzzing around being boring vats of vanilla yougart, we don't even have a story to tell or a movement to get behind, out civil rights don't get violated very often, none of our leaders were assisnated, and the biggest movement we are behind is pink, so here we are, we have arriven and we have opportunity and time, and should use it to bless others and influence the world to help and create and be, not just sit around complaining because someone stole our parking place! Get behind something unpopular, something that has grass roots, learn something from those women who REALLY struggled....let your kids know that taking out the garbage is NOT suffering....so Get some sass and move your.....self. *wink*

JR

TWO FACED LYING HOSE BEAST....or so that's what I think...PTO drama

Ok ok ok, so I covered cheaters, I covered garage sales, but there is one more thing I would like to say...FACE BOOK...please be smart.

I was a member of the PTO, I was VERY excited about it. I had time, my kids are in school, I'm a mom, I love to volunteer, I was able to make new friends...sounded awesome! I went, signed up for everything I could, got on committees, joined the facebook ranks of mom's who have time and lunch with other moms, it was AWESOME!!

THEN I met the PTO president. I really looked up to her, I was excited to be used and appreciated to be thought of and called upon, what an HONOR! (dummy me)

Then the PTO president starts posting this and that, normal stuff:

"has a busy busy planning week...."

"good workout today then had lunch with the kids! Food was good, waitress sucked...."

"woke up, got ready for church drove there for what I thought to be 30 min. early and the parking lot was full! We forgot to Spring forward. LOL"

"is sick and freaking tired of school cancellations! OMG city of ________, have you ever heard of putting salt down first? What the heck are my tax dollars going toward, crapy roads, no help in storms too many traffic lights and not enough schools! DANG...."

"NO SCHOOL AGAIN...really people what do you think happens in other places when it snows, THEY GO TO SCHOOL! I say they open school for those who want to go and let the rest of the stupid people make it up in June."

"has some new neighbors whos dog is going to die. It craps on my sidewalk, tears crap up in my yard and comes in my garage and takes stuff. I picked up all the crap and took it to their door with a note that said, "here is the crap your damn dog strung all over my property, if I catch it in my yard again or anywhere near my kids, it will disapear...Ive had enough!"
her response to questions of why she did this or stated this publicly: "...I am a county resident so suckishly the laws dont apply here Ive tried! [husband] went over once already and tried to do it the nice way and the guy was an ass! So I took care of it, and they have not said or done anything. You got a dog take care of it dont let it run wild and annoy the rest of the town."

"Spirit Night and fun inflatables for the kids....NO KIDS? grab a seat at the bar $1.89 dom. pints and Happy Hour wings!"

"why is it when i make a mistake the whole world goes crazy and when i dont make the mistake i somehow get the blame! Im tired of being held to a higher standard, we all make mistakes but its enough for me to take the fall for my own i dont need to fall for yours too...."

and the latest in all her very leadership ready, this person is leading us...no kidding...

DARN I went to copy it and she was smart enough to take it down, but she stated that she hated working with someone and that she wanted them to get off her back and other things that were just rediculous, when a friend ask if it was work or friend related she SCREAMED in caps that it was VOLUNTEER....well the only thing she volunteers for is PTO...so now she is just being crass, disgusting, and very UNleaderlike in every possible way.

This person is just yuck, I can't stand that she stands there with her soupy smile and tired look like she hates being the PTO president, yet sits at her "exclusive table" and talks about others behind their backs on FB like no one can read it.

I really want to blow the whistle on her but with 3 kids in that school next year, I don't want them to have it bad because of her. SOOOOO I have no idea what to do about it. CLEARLY she had a concience and took down her comment, but she did post a picture of a woman pulling her hair straight up in frustration she SAYS she got from the PTO website and then said that's how she feels....THEN WHY IS SHE PRESIDENT!?

UGH! I HATE TWO FACED LIARS! This to me is one of the top in my little sphere, and honestly I would rather NOT support the PTO with her at it's helm. She is the FACE of the school, of the parents, and while she is out slogging drinks tonight, making winks at the drunks at her bar...tomorrow she will be handing out flyers for the spring carnival laughing it up with people she hates doing something she hates and is unqualified to be doing...nice.

She said it, she doesn't want to be held to a higher standard, promise, I won't.

JR

CHEATER CHEATER pumkin eater...get a grip

The amazing race, one of my favorite shows on TV. I love it along with the Celebrity Apprentice and my all time fav, Project Runway. However what I don't like is liars.

I teach my kids not to lie, are they going to, yep!

I also choose my battles. Teach them that too.

However I was disturbed today to see that millions of people (ok hundreds...maybe) are upset and up in arms that their children saw 2 grown men (one of which is openly gay we will get to that later) get moved to the front of the plane into First Class seating without paying to get ahead in the game. Well, they followed the rules, did not pay for the upgrade, got ahead, and WON, but they won by 25 minutes not like 5.

PARENTS of CHILDREN...who are acting like children instead of parents want to "sheild their kid's eyes" from such behavior...HUH!?

Here are some issues that these parents are NOT concerned about:

ISSUE 1:What about the lesbians who were out and out RUDE, disgusting, vile creatures (those two not all lesbians, LOL, so don't misquote me) on the show TO that poor girl from Miss Teen USA...THEY were not worth complaining about? This woman VERBALLY ATTACKED someone for choosing the OBVIOUS best choice to yield that particular team. Talk about smart, I was ready for those two crazies to be off the show when it started!! I feel sorry for her partner who was embarassed to say the least about the behavior of the brunette whom I refuse to even NAME in my blog.

ISSUE 2: allowing their children to WATCH shows with openly gay or lesbian people portrayed in them...high moral standards? I think not. Wholesome...come on. This is real people. I teach my children to love ALL people. What in the world is wrong, is "cheating" worse than being gay? I never see picket lines for "cheaters" or "Cheater-Banging". This is upside down, these parents need to pick a side and get on it.

ISSUE 3: why is the cheating subjective? The idea that someone cheated and got away with it is rediculous on a show like Amazing Race where integrity is all but thrown out the window, how about allowing your children to watch a show where the same boys who won are attempting to and threatening physical abuse against a man who quite possibly wet his pants as they attempted to beat him through the plexi glass of the taxi...was that ok? No. Why then keep watching it? Why then not ask CBS to set rules...because that would be boring.

Seriously, people need to get a grip!! This is America, where we are FREE, free to watch whatever we want on TV and then sound like an idiot while stating that we are the smartest ones (hence this blog! LOL) however it would be nice if from time to time, someone would actually be smart about it.

God's people are white, black, Hispanic, gay, Indian, straight, blonde, and even have just one eye. So who are YOU to judge, maybe it is a good learning experience, but get it right, the only ones being cheated are the children who are confused to think that cheating is a worse offense than acting like a fool and embarrassing your mother....

JR

Trick or Treating for Adults...Aye Matee!

As I went out today at the break of dawn (well for me anyway...7am!) I  went out treasure hunting like a pirate! I thought about how much fun it would be to find a this or that, I am always hunting for toys, I just love TOYS!

However I found that in the neighborhood wide gargesales, a phenomenon...ADULTS...RUNNING from house to house GIVING their money to each house as they go, finding games, clothes, trinkets of all sizes and sorts, and acting like children. Like Trick or Treating...EVERY Saturday! Some are smiling, planning lunch, counting their money, some are pretending like they can't speak English to get a better deal, and that is just the buyers!

Everyone has a story, and everyone wants to tell it, as they should. However this is not the forum for every single type of story to be told. I am QUITE aware that the only way to make new connections in your life as a mom is to open your mouth and talk to someone who isn't going to have a load of sassy back talk and can ride most all rides in an amusement park according to the height scale held by a smiling green rabbit before entering the park.

So I feel it is totally understandable why a mom or other person who is otherwise NOT able to have conversation outside her smartphone or facebook status updates should talk to as many people, I can understand, I mean I am not trying to say she shouldn't be friendly but here are some pointers for garagesale sellers...

Garage Sale Seller Rules:
1) Don't guard the stuff you no longer want as if you still wanted it, I and many other people will drive on by.

2) If you don't have the time or energy or care to get stuff out of boxes, don't price it like you hung and tagged it all night....no more than 50cents per item for REAL if it is in a box.

3) Don't leave your stuff outside overnight, that is lazy and if you do, refer back to rule #1

4) Don't put your name brand stuff in a gargesale and then price it like you have it in a consignment shop

5) Don't say no unless it is rediculous to any offers.

   EXAMPLE: a bedroom set of sheets and comforter you have $30 on the tag, you are offered $1, yeah that is a good time to say how about $25 or 20. BUT when you say 25 or 20, other people might be listening so say yes to the next person who says $10 or higher. BUT do not say no. EVER! Aren't you doing this to make money? Saying no is like saying NO to money!

6) Just because you LIVE in a nice neighborhood should not be a good reason to overprice your stuff. Your stuff is just as unwanted as the lady who lives three miles away and just because you don't NEED the money, gives you LESS of a reason to overprice! Be smart, be the one who has a cleaned out garage, sold everything in your garage sale and be done and having lunch outside your garage by 11am.

7) (this is the most important rule....) DO NOT TELL ME THE STORY OF YOUR CRAP....YOU HAVE IT IN YOUR GARAGE SALE...YOU DO NOT WANT IT ANY MORE...if ANYTHING in your garage sale has ANY sentimental value...even if I fall for your line of baloney on how much you loved it, where you got, it or how many storms it lived through....the sentimental value is now DEAD the moment you take money for it and I walk away from you with it...so SHUT UP ALREADY! If you have it in your sale it is FOR SALE and should be priced accordingly. What would YOU WANT to pay for it....not what WOULD you pay for it. Because clearly you already paid full price once, we know you are a sucker.

So basically get over yourself, and last but not least, if you are a seller and you look down on the people that are coming to your sale as if they are roaches, on October 31 when you are trick or treating with your kids remember how much fun you had when you were a kid and all you got was candy...heck...people are lining up outside to GIVE you their MONEY! No candy required!

J.R.

WELCOME! Now who the heck am I?

You know how people say, "oh, so and so is just a regular Joe?"

Well I am just a regular Jane! I'm a mom, early thirties with kids, 5 of them, yes, 5! Their ages are 15 and a half (the half is only important at age 4, 15, 17, and 20...), my daugther is 13, another daugther 8, a son 5, and my last daugther, 4....and a half!

I am married I have a pug (yes I am a pug person) and I have some beefs with us women. Who the HECK are we? WHY are we so MEAN!? Well I hope you laugh, and if you laugh till you cry you tell me!

While I am still speaking to the universe at large, a big blank hole of the internet, I just filled it up with this blog knowing that I have a responsibility to create something worthwhile...something that makes you know, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!

You should be reading this blog if:
* you weigh more than your US Obesity Guideline says you should...

* you only do your hair if you think someone from church might see you at Walmart OR when you go to church, or when you do your hair you wonder if anyone even cares...

* you have children, more than 1 child....if you have only 1, you probably don't get it, but don't be afraid to read on...if you still want to have more than 1 after reading my blog, then you will want to RE-read when you are having a long night of empty crying and snoring...(not you, your kids and spouse)

* you have ever walked into a resturaunt at lunch time with cranky children in tow who do not match, smell good, and have no idea where the hairbrush is....again; only to see a crowd of well dressed matching children and their coordinating Moministas laughing about last nights Bachelor episode and felt a tinge of homicidalness....(both Mominista and homicidalness are words...I made them up! LOL)...toward no one inparticular.

* you cry at previews of movies, not because you love the actor or story, but because you know the liklihood you will ever see it in the next 1o years is pretty slim.

* you have a pug (LOL not a requirement but they are halarious)

* you have been divorced, or not, or are blonde, or brunette, or red haired, or have NO hair because you are pulling it out due to frustration....(always go for the lower layers, it blends better)

* if you have a child with disabilities, physical illness, or feel like you yourself have a mental illness or did at the time you thought having kids was going to be easy....HA

Ok, now that we have the requirements out of the way, be sure to post and talk and tell me what you think! Just remember...I'm as human as you.

Nice to meet you!
Regular Jane!