100% UNhirable??

(Remember the sound of those old tractor fed printers? The sound of each dot printing....think of that sound in the back ground when you are reading this...it will make sense at the end)

Ok, litteraly...yesterday....saturday...I was out in the heat pounding the pavement, searching for employment at the mall...P.s. why is it so hot right now in September? That being said this was a last ditch effort because I have pounded the keys for YEARS (since November 2008) because that is where the applications are...they aren't in the stores, and NO you can't talk to a manager! Who do you think you are!? Yeah that's right I have taken every single possible personality survey known to man. Let me tell you a little about myself:

I am responsible
I like my life (even though currently it could be a teensy bit better)
I enjoy hard work
I enjoy fast paced work
I enjoy GRUNT work
I have a cheerful attitude
I make the best of bad situations
I am sortof detail oriented, but a lot of times am a big picture person....(find someone
      besides my dad and husband who ARE and
      I will give you a nickle...just one total)
I would tell a supervisor if I saw my co-workers stealing
I would tell THEIR supervisor if my supervisor was stealing
My parents would be proud of me
I can't stand it when people are whiners but I accept it as a part of life
I have lots of friends
I have excelent written and verbal skills (see blog)
I am involved in church and my community and spend time doing good
I have and execute a HIGH level of integrity and a YOU BET attitude

That is just about the core of the quesions that are ask of me on these surveys. One for Border's Books made me do some kind of crazy number flashy math hand-eye coordination thing that I know I passed, so I don't know why they don't think that I am qualified to direct patrons to books on the shelves or heck, so here is a "novel" idea (pun intended) keep me away from customers! I bet I am qualified to stock the books....4 weeks later..nope.

How about "crazy-bath-linen-store" (as described by one friend) ....I am surely qualified to sell high quality plates, sheets, and other housewares....I had a mini interview! I felt so lucky...nope. I have to start off as a part time cashier because I (even though my specialty has been in selling high quality products for the home over low priced competitors and I was the top seller in the region...MORE THAN ONCE...) am not qualified to explain to people why sheets are differing thread counts...surely I am qualified for that...I mean it pays a whopping $7.75 an hour...my education should have put me there..all the way up to sheet seller..before the interview was over I knew it.....nope. NOTE: they called, they offered me the cashier position, $7.75...I gracefully turned them down.

My iphone beeps and bleeps and while I am walking around and I am getting emails telling me "we are looking at other candidates", "we are in recipt of your resume but this position has been filled", "thank you for applying with us, we are no longer looking for candidates", "thank you for applying, your qualifications do not match up with our needs for this position".....over and over and over....HUNDREDS of times a week.

I APPLY EVERY SINGLE DAY AT LEAST 20 times, EVERY DAY....for jobs ALL OVER THE US!!!

How about a clothing store, I know a wholesale retail overstock type store? I have stocked shelves at Garden Ridge and Kids R Us. I have sold housewares and worked in clothing for years...I took that SAME survey in paper form (yep the one that says I rock when you print out the results) am I qualified to stock? I might make $7.25 an hour there....can I talk to a manager? NOPE....give them 7-10 days....says the person who HAS a job to the person who is grasping at straws.

WHO ARE YOU JANE!?
So...I am a marketing assistant, a marketing WHIZ, sales LEADER but I don't want to work on commission, I can't and won't deal with the stress. I am constatly full of new edgy ideas, I have run HUGE meetings, and collaberated with people all over the world. I VOLUNTEERED at a leadership summit for 2 days so that I could be a better stronger leader. I read books like How the Mighty Fall and the Switch and the Core, and my favorite, by Peter Senge the Fifth Discipline.

So what, I CHOSE to stay at home and be a mom, a student, and an entreprenuer. I know how to run pivot tables and do data entry, why,  because I read a book and taught myself. I have my Bachelors in marketing and will have my Masters in Technology Management. I can and have edited books, made cold calls HOUSE TO HOUSE!

I have done what needed to be done to create an income for my family and now, when I have my education, when I am ready to take the world by storm and CREATE sales, CREATE phenomenal customer service, duplicate myself and train people to be awesome and learn from whomever I need to so I can create a higher level of awesome for myself AND the company I work for. I will even, SMILING and HAPPILY, go through training EVEN if I already know the material....humble myself to a posistion I can work my way up from and end up with an even GREATER story, and even with alllllllllll this....I am seemingly not able to complete the circle, make the circutry work and the light come on. I have an open schedule and the thing that trips up employers is that I don't want to work on Sunday morning because I volunteer at church............hum.

WHAT is happening in this world? I need employment I need someone who beleives in me. I even ask on LINKEDIN where I hold a professional social netowrk for a mentor....NOT EVEN THE SOUND OF CRICKETS....no takers. I promise to make it be the best employment choice ever made by whatever company will take me. I will make you proud.....nope.

Why can't anyone hear me? I know there are other people out there with worse storys, I know that other people have started up at the top and tumbled to the bottom, that sucks, I FEEL SO SORRY FOR THEM, I know that there are 6 or 8 job seekers to every open job, but....BUT....but.....I am at the bottom falling from there to where???

My sweet friends remind me daily that maybe GOD doesn't want me to have a job, maybe GOD is the one that has a greater plan, and I know that. But I can't sit here and quietly wait for life to pass me by and MAYBE some executive will find me singing praise and worship songs in my car one day and pick me up take me to his or her office and give me the greatest job ever!! I have to work at it, I have to try, I have to be out there, that is who GOD made me to be. I am not a quiter, I am not even a whiner (though this blog read in the wrong tone might sound like it) I am a hard worker, decent and good, with a family that supports me and will move all over the world to be a part of GOD's plan for our life.

I am 100% hirable, a million people would KILL to be me....*remember the sound of a printer some where in America, that is the sound of the printing of the latest results from my latest personality test, the last page prints.....* RESULTS: I ROCK!!!

*hawgtions@yahoo.com if you have a job.....I will send you a resume!*

UPDATE : BREAKING NEWS
*P.s. I did get offered a job today, part time, $8/hour, lead cashier....trying like heck to be as thankful as always...I mean it's not my plan...it's God's and I would say 99.99999999% (ok 100%...LOL) of the time, HE is exactly on time and EXACTLY right...* - I have also revcieved some phone calls and some emails from the aps I put in Saturday...but they were all VERY low paying (lower than $8/hour).

HEY! HEY! *grumble* WHATS THAT ON YOUR IPOD!?

No it's not a bird or a bug, or some kind of kiddie drawing, not even an ap...ok it's an ap and some music. I keep getting ask, what's on your ipod?Apparently you can learn a lot about a person when they tell you what's on their ipod.

I generally only listen to my ipod when I'm running or now biking. I thought of it today and decided it would be ok to let you in.

Ocean Lab Sirens of the Sea Remix - Lonely Girl
Francesca Battistelli - I'm Letting Go
Karsh Kale - One Step Beyond
Crystal Method - Vapor Trail
Tiesto & Kirsty Hawksaw - Just Be - Walking on Clouds
Paul Van Dyk - Reflections - Time of our Lives
Crystal Method - Keep Hope Alive
George Acosta - Fallin Backwards
Tiesto - Carpe Noctum
Tiesto - Adagio for Strings
George Acosta - The Apocalypse

I love this kind of music, my blood gets pumping and I can almost FEEL the fat burning off my body. The transformation is beginning to take place, I can see and feel the results. For the first time yesterday I actually SAW a picture of myself in a shirt that used to wear me and now I wear it! I LOVE it!

Today even with my shins screaming last night I decided not to run but to bike only. I will do Bricks once a week and run once and ride once. Have you ever attempted to stand on a stationary bike? Have you ever STOOD while riding? THAT IS TOUGH STUFF, not just balance but also in thigh muscle pain. I love how my shins don't hurt but my thighs finally are getting some work.

I am reading a book called The Core. It talks about the CORE of your being the reason that you are able to stand the reason you are able to move or walk. I really think that my larger muscle groups need more of a work out because they are holding me back from getting to the next level.

Anyway, that is my play list and the book I am reading along with How the Mighty Fall that is another amazing book EVERYONE should read.
 JR

School Schmool...

SCHOOL IS STARTING IN T-minus 3 days (I won't count Thursday because that is the day it starts and if you look at the time stamp it is already Monday)

ALL 5 of my children will be IN SCHOOL!! I am so happy for them all! Every year one or more of them has felt left out, left behind, or just left...yeah I came back and got them...(just kidding), but this year, no more....they are all (including myself) in school!

EVERYONE ASKS ME...."are you sad?"

Am I weird when I say NO!?

No I am not a bad parent I am a happy parent. I waited for 5.5 years (because half my pregnancy with #5 was pretty much thinking this day would NEVER arrive...) for this day.

Example: I waited 15 years for my son to march in the band...and he is, and I am there like a good band mom not crying my eyes out, or watching him interact with other students like one of these insane mominista hover parents, no. I am there LIVING OUT A DREAM, I am seeing the moment that he steps foot on to the field with his shiny Dinkles (shoes people) and his heavy wool uniform cap and cape and all as a moment I thought of when I stepped on to a field for the first time, instrument in hand...it's amazing! I didn't CRY when I saw him march, I pushed him further, press on, do more, instruct others, lead by example I said to him. I am marking time with him, with me, with God, showing my son that YES you CAN do it, and eventhough my story started off kinda crummy, look, look, look, LOOK where God put us today!?!

I am PROUD to be the mother of 5 school aged children. In a few years my oldest will go to college and I will be proud then. I know we are not supposed to be prideful, but I think God gave us emotion so that we can enjoy the moments where our child hits a moment of success.

Life is a lot like Chutes and Ladders that game from a million years ago, when you get up that ladder and you are almost to the top, you are fully aware there are some steep chutes, but by golly you KNOW that there are only a few ladders left, always look up!!

So to you out there who think I will be CRYING on Thursday morning come 8:30am...THINK AGAIN, I am going to be happy, happy that all my children are enjoying school, friends, and finding their path to where God wants them in their lives. Because I know I am RIGHT where God wants me....at home, breathing in silence, enjoying the moments that have passed, and looking forward to each new one we GET to make with our kids, our family, our walk with God.

** P.s. I am still praying that God will see me with a job soon, but until then I am volunteering and giving my time that I have been gifted with back to the community **

JR

COUCH to BRICK?

Ok so most of my readers know (or should know and if'n you don't know by now, NOW you know) that I have been running since June and am well into 9 weeks of training.

I suck. I have been trying and trying to get past the shin splints (YES I ice daily and YES I stretch and YES I still need new shoes! BUT any other suggestions are welcome) and get past the breathing issues (I was a half to pack a day smoker 11 weeks ago and I think this is definately a lung capacity/health issue and any suggestions are welcome).

At the end of the day it is endurance that is making my mind upset. I think, it would have been easier to sit and suck on my Pall Mall's all day and eat whatever I wanted...It would have been easier to just forget this whole thing, call myself a quitter and move on....I could...but I am just stingy so I keep running and keep feeling like a failure.

I am down (for those of you wondering if my body has changed since I still look like I belong at fat camp) to 207 from 219 in 9 weeks, I am also down about 10" overall as well. (The wii fit says I am down to 200 but I think it is lying, so I am going with 207 from my actual scale).

Yes I have changed my eatting. I do eat about 6 nature valley bars a day (the plain ones or peanut butter or the decadent hard to find cinnamon...yum) but I am also eating less carbs but the right carbs too, and drinking more water than I thought I could possibly consume.

SO, over the period of time a lot has happened to make me healthier, but I want to run. I want to run, I WANT TO RUN! I want to GO to that 5K in December and RUN the WHOLE THING...but right now that seems like a stupid thought.

The point of the story is, Friday morning I decided to garagesale with Ma (thats short for Grandma and Mom, we are efficent around her we use one name for all like Buy one Get one Free), and found at the FIRST garage sale a bike, cool red, 12 speed, mountain bike! I was STOKED, got a good deal on it (20$) and started riding today after watching EXTENSIVE YouTube videos on how to use the gears and why I would want to use them etc.

I rode, I was SO proud, I rode and rode and just had a blast (until my tukas started to ache from the hard seat) and then I went home, texted my triathelete brother who ROCKS (check out his blog, Michael Head) I am a follower of it) and is also a triathelete (just wanted you to know twice) tells me to BIKE then RUN then BIKE.

THIS is the brick. Sounds hard, it is. BUT I did it. I went BACK out there after feeding my kiddos and I did it. I BIKED, I RAN, I BIKED and I went further than I thought I could or would. I was having a great time getting to know my bike and the gears etc. (I told another blogger that I think I ran so well because I was afraid my bike would get stolen...LOL) I could FEEL my heart pumping my blood, I could FEEL my lungs filling up with air...it was great.

So I say to you, you person who was me 9 weeks ago. You have 2 choices...sit there and sacrifice your body, your life, your children's legacy...OR come with me on this mind bending adventure and instead sacrifice your time, your shins, and when we are 60 we can be healthy enough to continue working until we are 80 then retire and spend 25 years (yes I said it) 25 years traveling the world and enjoing our great great great grand children!!

Just a thought!!!

Get off your couch and do a brick! (or just start walking, that is what I did every day about a mile just to say I told you so to the enemy and give GOD the glory for helping me SEE the LIGHT!) This is an amazing feeling, like knowing that you know that YOU are covered that YOU are loved that YOU are beating the darkness out of your life....totally a lot of work but good...

JR

WEEK 1 - PROJECT RUNWAY: WHAT THE HECK!?

Did the eyes of the beholder CHANGE or have I lost all sense in my head!? I feel like on Back to the Future 2 where Jennifer sees her older self and screams before passing out....I'M OLD!!! (say it ain't so!) Also for the record...THANK YOU for not showing us the insipid models...ugh. I love me some Austin and Santino!

The Cast: (are you KIDDING!? was Tim on drugs when these guys got picked or what!?)

Bowler-hat-guy from Meet the Robinsons? What a joke! First off unprofessional wanting to feel up the model because she like all other women HAS BOOBS!? Virgin or still in the closet...I leave it up to you. THIRDLY...MY DOCTOR HAS NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER felt me up because I have boobs....WHY...because he is P-R-O-FESSIONAL!!! Secondly....Um, yes I get to do 1, 2, and 3rd n any order I please, my blog....STAPLES and you get to pass!? JOKE of the day!

MATTED HAIR GIRL? LOVE HER! WHAT THE HECK!? So the boobs were in the wrong place and I am sorry Snarky (Aka NINA) women who have bodies like that model should enjoy side clevage...I would...if I was that kinda girl....but I'm not. She should NOT have gone, she had REAL potential unlike Bowler Hat Guy who made a denim-ish Snuggie with staples!!

casaNOva....WHAT THE HECK! TASTE LEVEL!? The man can FEIGN not being able to speak ENGLISH and pass....TOTAL FAIL.

Mustache Tall girl..... WHY did she have a mustache and WHY did she get through? We still would have loved ya...that is if you could sew, and I am confused on if you can or not...but we will see....why also is she the only girl/person of color? WHY??? How long will she last and can we please have Anthony back to go with?????

BLEACH BLONDE TOOTHY MULLET GIRL....WHAT!? OMG. NO. I can't even go on because her hair confused me I thought I was watching a flash back on Hannah Montana....

POISION IVY! OMG SHUT UP...if MICHAEL KHORS says YOU SUCK...you do. IF SNARKY says YOU SUCK...YOU DO, and if you are not 100 and you make TOILE PANTS..out of TOILE PANTS....YOU SUCK...so SHUT UP!

ROTTEN PEACH!! OLD is OLD and in this case, being OLD is not going to win you the show however she has a neat styling, we will see...tailored has gotten far before....SHE BROUGHT TOILE PANTS!?!
I am retracting my OLD statement, I just didn't like her attitude and love my readers for calling me to the carpet on this one...she just feels like and loos like she is older than she is and 50 is NOT old....I just didn't care for her style....*sorry - forgive me!*

KNITTER GUY....Peach is clearly spoiled and rotten, I loved the color and the item and she should NOT have gotten through with it....but your item rocked! GOOD ON YA!

CHRIS.................I'm swooning, Heidi is right he's cute, he's talented, and I call him as final 3.

STUDENT of "Fashion" So you are 21, own it, Christian Siriano was young too, he WON it, he KNEW and KNOWS what he is doing and totally was awesome, that undone "deconstructed" tux was cheap, trashy, and childish....She should have made a tailored skirt and a top out of the lining using the lapels as part of a belt....duh!

MonDUH-O...No. No. No. I can't even say it again. ____.

Strange largeheaded Asian Man...I think: ok, well...I just...ok, we will see where you are in a few weeks....*tapping foot*

Purple shirt Underandover BUMP hair girl who looks like Poision Ivy's aunt...ok. I like...continue.

BLONDEY/bomberjacket ugly dress guy....No thank you. heming is kind of important and you can not and did not do anything cool. I am NOT liking the snoozefest and quit shaking on national television, that is so rediculous...omg, you look like you have never had any one critique your clothes before...oh you haven't.

ADORABLE sweet mini Chris March... I LOVED your work I think you are FANTABULOUS and when you didn't win I was nearly crushed...but you will you will...and I say final 3!

The quiet guy with the purple tie...ok. We shall see.

WINNER: Rural Americana half mullet/bowl cut bad dye job hair....WHY!? Because you made a black dress that was NOT cut well and did NOT flatter her model (Michael Khors are you listening or did you not have your contacts in?) All she did was add pieces of floof to her model's shoulders...my 8 year old could have done that...AND the hem was a mess AND it was terrible, and it was BOR-ING SNOOZAPALOOZA....yikes!

Thank you to http://www.kansascity.com/2010/07/29/2114347/host-heidi-klum-discusses-now.html for the pic, I appreciate it!!! (BTW great interview with Heidi on that link too! CHECK IT!)

JR

PROJECT RUNWAY PARENTING

Ok ok, so I love me some Tim Gunn and Heidi too. I even like the snarky Nina Garcia and the opinionated but fabulously underdressed Michael Khors...

However I also love a clean house! I came up with this idea a while ago I just never employed it until now. What a REVELATION I have had in my home! REALITY TV ROCKS! (well sometimes)

So here is the deal, the mention of chores in my house, where hearding kittens might be easier, is a pretty terrifying ordeal. For me the mom, I am met with the anxiety of knowing that the hem-hawing will begin with saddness, nashing of teeth, and anger. So I have to decide, do it myself or not. Today, given the amazing amount of work the house needed I decided to buckle down and do it.....

WAKE UP!!! (insert grumbling and grunting, and moaning) then we inserted Fruity Pebbles (bad-mom-cereal) into the children to get their energy up...and started the chore distribution list....(insert more upsetness and whining here)

OK so here is what I did, I went to Microsoft Word and downloaded the document for chores, took the list and used it to distribute the chores and get a good idea of the entire house picture I was looking at so I didn't have to go back later and do the dreaded ad-on...kids hate that....and so do I.

I made my list first (things I don't want the kids to do because I am picky about it or faster at it or NEED it done right - laundry, cleaning the entire fridge, toilets, sweeping the celings etc...I know weird, but I need to....)

THEN I took the kids and divided them up into the BIG kids and the NOTsobig kids....
Two sheets of paper two diffrent colors. I have 5 kids so I did 12 little kid chores (4 each), and 8 (4 each)big kid chores.

Chores look like:
Little Kids: Baseboard wiper, door cleaner, cabinet wiper-downer, carpet vacuumer, light switch wiper, counter wiper, closet arranger, backyard picker-upper, etc etc.....

Big Kids: Mow, weed-eat, mirror cleaner & bathtub cleaner, sweeper (we have all stone tile), fan cleaner, picture wiper-downer, duster, etc etc....

I took EACH chore, put them on a piece of paper that I had cut from earlier (I used red for big kids, and blue for the other kids) then had them draw them out one at a time and created a grid on antoher piece of paper with everyone's name on it and put the chores they chose under their name and put it on the fridge.

WE did this in a fun Project Runway way, we did it using Heidi's voice/accent (attempted anyway), we made them stand in line and choose, and we had them get excited about their chore(s). They went one at a time starting with youngest first (easier to coerce into happiness about wiping baseboards), and each pulled one chore (like Heidi's velvet bag for choosing models) at a time first person A, then B, then C, then A then B etc etc...get it?

ANYWAY, I am going to MAKE a chore "velvet bag" and go to Hobby Lobby/Michaels/Garden Ridge type store and get the wooden painted piece (like .49-.99 each) and put with a sharpie EACH chore on it and create a FUN and memorable way to do chores. Mix it up, once a week, and then just do minor cleaning the rest of the week to maintain!!

A funny thing happened....all our chores got done, and when one person was done with their chores, then that person would help another person who was behind and we got it done....

MY LIST was longer....but I am still getting it done....as soon as I turn my frown upside down! I mean who wouldn't want to be Heidi for a day!!?

JR

Who are you giving your kids to?

So I wondered, who are you giving your kids to? Who is the person or persons who will be seeing your child through the last 2/3 of  their lives?

I swear that these MOMINISTAS don't have a CLUE what they are doing, I actually feel bad for them. Sitting in church, in the movies, in traffic, at school. UGH I want to just SCREAM at them, you have NO idea what you are DOING! (not that I do all the time, but in these extreme cases of moministaisms, yes, yes I think I see the picture).

We as parents only have so many days to get our children out of season 1 and into season 2 as successful, loyal, wonderful people who bear fruit. We as parents do not get to be a part of their circle of influence very long. I mean think about where are YOUR parents now that YOU are a know-it-all mominsta (or if you are reading this an ANTI-mominista)???

My parents are probably in the same place YOUR parents are and in the same place THEIR parents are....at a respectful distance. You smartly left and cleaved to something else in life, someone else, some place else. MAYBE not even what 'they' wanted you to, but you did, you survived and YOU are ok...I hope. My parents THINK they have a wider circle of influence on me than they do for many reasons, not to hurt their feelings but because I like it that way, I love to keep the peace, and in all honesty they do many times impart great wisdom that I would otherwise have to learn the hard way if they had not told me the nitty gritty truth or guided me softly to where I need to be (dad). LOL. HOWEVER, they are NOT influencing my daily lives and interactions with tv time, toilet time, or dinner time.

These mom's these MOMINISTAS they wrangle their husbands they launch their children into failure by setting them up to never get hurt, experience loss, or trip on their own shoe laces. They have attempted to bullet proof a world where everyone but their child is packing heat.

Who are you giving your child to? Who will wake up next to your child every day for 10 years, 20 years, 40 years? Who will your child get  day to day urgent advice from? Who will they trust with their deepest secrets? NOT YOU.

Moministas of the world who are attempting to create spineless husbands to do their bidding to create a world where no one is packing heat are DEAD wrong, backward, and need a hobby. The way to move forward is to allow your child to fall back. Allow your child to deal with loss, to deal with pain, to deal with life's unfairness so they don't end up in counseling for the person they get day to day advice and trust with their secrets isn't a therapist who also feels entitled, lost, and alone but can't say it to anyone for fear of looking like a fool in his or her own profession.

I am giving my child to a world that is lost, to a world that needs them, to a world that is ripe with loss, terror, and horror. I am giving my child to a world they expected and can conquer that they can do God's work in and serve, see, and feel the pain without fear of apathy, unrest, or disgrace. I give my child to something bigger, something hotter, something more amazing than a certifiable mominista who is going to wake up one day and wonder why her sweet cooing of "wear your socks on the bouncy house so your feet won't get germs on them" to a sweaty five year old didn't work.....

WAKE UP....*give your kids away, that is what you are CALLED to do....if you do not give them away they will be stolen from you or leave you angry and may never come back, both risks I am NOT willing to take...are you?

*For those of you who did NOT read my entire blog, do NOT actually GIVE your kids away, please keep them until they are old enough to do for themselves, then let them go and pay their OWN electric bill since they ran yours up for 18+ years...